I Wish I Had An Angel
by Queen Shnoogleberry
Summary: A Yaoi songfic between Kaiba and Mokuba... Done to the song 'Wish I Had An Angel' by Nightwish... both brothers have something to tell eachother, and they need to say it before they go insane...


_**I Wish I Had An Angel**_

I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel tonight

Kaiba watched, not for the first time, as his little brother padded down the empty hallway. He himself sat in the shadows of his dark office. He knew that it looked deserted because it was dark outside and even so, the curtains were pulled closed, the computer was also turned off, thus there was light to give him away. He really shouldn't stare at Mokuba like that he knew... but... he just couldn't help it...

It's because he looks like a girl so much and a damn pretty one too-" Kaiba bolted upright at that thought. "Well he does... that's what the 'mutt' said anyway..." Kaiba didn't feel reassured because no sooner had that thought run through than the other side of his mind came up with an argument. "He was just teasing, but you know he really is pretty. those round innocent... _trusting_... eyes... you could almost get away with anything with him... _any_thing... STOP!!! HE'S YOUR FUCKIN LITTLE BROTHER!!!! but he's soooooo pretty... NO I WON'T!... but you want to... admit it... NO! I WON'T!!!... but think about him... think about how you want to stroke his hair... how you want to kiss him all over... about how- STOP!!! Kaiba knew that if he let those thoughts carry on he'd go crazy.

For the next hour, he threw himself into his work, he was starting to get Mokuba out of his head when the kid came to his door and knocked. "Nii-Sama..."

"Yes?"

"I was looking for you earlier... where were you?"

"... I had to go get something from my office at KC."

"Work _again_?"

"Yes... why were you looking for me?"

"Oh, don't worry about it."

"Tell me."

Mokuba shuffled his feet awkwardly and blushed. For a minute he couldn't meet his brother's eyes then he blurted out, "I just needed help with my homework, but I called Yuugi."

"Come here." Kaiba ordered emotionlessly.

Mokuba came around to the other side of the desk. Kaiba placed his hands on either side of Mokuba's head and brought their faces close together. Mokuba had the look of a stunned wild animal. He struggled but Kaiba had strong hands and he held on.

"I don't believe you." His voice was almost threatening. "You've never needed help before, I know you. They can't supply the assignments as fast as you can do them. You're very intelligent, but you underestimate my intelligence. That is a huge mistake. Never underestimate your opponent. If your estimate must be off, _over_estimate them." Kaiba was hurt. Mokuba had never lied to him before. "Furthermore, I can see that if you lied I won't be able to get you to tell the truth now. Perhaps that's for the best, I don't know, but when you are ready to tell, come see me."

Mokuba's eyes were wide with fright and he was blushing. With a sudden and savage pull, he freed his head from Kaiba's hands. He stood in front of his older brother, eyes wide, and simply shook.

Kaiba sighed. "It's your choice. You may either sit," He pointed to a chair across from himself, "or you may leave. It's up to you."

Mokuba thought for a moment. If he left now, Kaiba would have even more reason to believe that something was wrong. But could he stand to be in the same room as him? "I have to." He decided, so he sat.

Kaiba didn't even look up. He knew that his brother wouldn't be able to handle eye contact yet. "It's odd," he thought, "when he's around, it's easier to play 'big brother' and forget my feelings, but when he doesn't know I'm around..."

_Deep into a dying day  
I took a step outside an innocent heart  
Prepare to hate me fall when I may  
This night will hurt you like never before_

Old loves they die hard  
Old lies they die harder

Mokuba sat there, starring at his older brother. "Am I mad?" he thought. "I nearly kissed him... he's my older brother and I almost KISSED him. And this wouldn't be so bad... if this was the FIRST time... OH! Why me? I mean... it's not like I'm evil or anything... so why am I being punished like this? IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!!! HE'S JUST TOO BLOODY HOT!!!!!!!!!!" Mokuba took a deep breath. "No. He's my brother. I refuse to think those thoughts about him. I REFUSE!!!!!! ...But I can't stop... I just can't... I want him so badly... he's all I want..."

"It's time for bed now." Kaiba said and broke Mokuba's chain of thoughts.

"Oh!" Mokuba startled from his thoughts. "Already?"

"Yes, and try not to look so dazed when you are around me."

That remark stung Mokuba, though he didn't let it show. Kaiba hated whining more than he hated it when Mokuba looked not all there. He bit his lip and followed his brother. "He really is hot... but... HE'S SO MEAN!!!! ...He'd probably reject me if I told him how I feel... I wouldn't survive... I couldn't survive... not if he rejected me..."

"Mokuba!?"

"Nii-Sama?"

"You're crying! It doesn't have to do with what I said does it? I'm only trying to prepare you for when you grow up... I'm sorry if I'm being too harsh..."

"No. It's just allergies..."

"More lies... Mokuba... are you angry at me? If you are... let me know..."

"No... I'm just tried... I just need to go to sleep... goodnight." Mokuba closed, not slammed, his door in Kaiba's face. It wasn't like Kaiba still tucked him in or anything, but the door in the face was callous.

Inside his room, Mokuba sank against the door with a sigh. He hated being so cold to Kaiba, but if he wasn't... "I just won't think about that now... there's nothing that can be done right now... Maybe..." Mokuba thought with a bitter laugh that threatened to make him cry again, "Maybe I can get a psychiatrist, or maybe I'll just go crazy. Yah... I like the second idea better. At least then Nii-Sama won't hate me... I'd kill myself if he hated me... death sounds like a nice option right now..." Mokuba got up and headed to his bathroom. He picked up the scissors on his desk on the way; it was the only blade in his room. "I'm nuts. Just plain nuts!" Mokuba thought and put down the scissors. He began to laugh, but it was a hysterical laugh that soon turned into sobs. He heard his door open and quickly hid the scissors and took a deep breath before he went to face his older brother.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just tired."

"Mokuba..."

"What?!"

"... Nothing... just... goodnight..." Kaiba kissed Mokuba on his forehead and left.

_I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel  
Your Virgin Mary undone  
Im in love with my lust  
Burning angelwings to dust  
I wish I had your angel tonight_

"Nii-Sama?"

"Mmmm... wha?" Kaiba sat up and looked around his room. It was still dark and the curtains were pulled closed, something Kaiba hated. "Mokuba? Why are you in here?"

"I came to visit you..."

"In the middle of the night? Mokuba, what has gotten into you lately? Why have you been acting so weird?"

"I have not!" Mokuba cried indignantly. "You're the one who's weird Nii-sama! ...Or don't you realize?..."

"...Realize what?"

"That I love you!" Mokuba said in an excited whisper. He shifted so he was laying on Kaiba. "Don't tell me you didn't realize... I mean... I tried to hide it... but I thought... I thought my feelings were obvious... do you love me too?" Mokuba didn't wait for a reply, started to undo the buttons on Kaiba's shirt.

It was only then that Kaiba realized that he was still dressed. "What the hel-" His thoughts were cut off by Mokuba's lips on his own. Kaiba liked it. Kaiba _really _liked it... too much. He tried to push his younger brother away, but couldn't. Mokuba's fingers started to explore more. They found his hair, his neck, his- "NO!" Kaiba finally regained control. "No! We can't... we can't..."

"Why not?" Mokuba pouted. "Why not, Nii-Sama?"

"Because we're brothers!! Because... because..."

"I don't care... "

"No... I don't want to..." Kaiba sat up.

"But you do! You just don't want to be found out! I wouldn't tell..."

"No... I don't want to screw my younger brother!" Kaiba couldn't help the frustration in his voice.

"Is that all I am to you? ...still... I LOVE YOU!!!!! DAMNIT!!!! NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT!!! I LO-" Kaiba cut off further words with his hand on the child's mouth.

"Please... shut-up... I can't take it..."

Mokuba pulled away. "I know you want me... I'll wait for you to weaken and come for me... good night..." He left and Kaiba rolled over.

He lay on his side for a few seconds and them his alarm clock went off. "Damn thing..." He got up and remembered what had happened. "WHA-" He then realized that he was wearing pajamas... but he had been wearing his cloths before... "A dream..." He sighed with relief.

_Im going down so frail n cruel  
Drunken disguise changes all the rules_

Old loves they die hard  
Old lies they die harder

His alarm would go off soon and he had yet to sleep, but how could he? He was in love with his older brother and he knew that if he said anything, his brother would reject him, hate him and probably legally disown him. He couldn't stop pacing, and he was so tired that if he tried to stand still he'd fall over. As it was, he was stumbling. 'I can't stand any longer.' He thought and sat down on his bed with his head in his hands"

The alarm clock went off a few minutes later. "...mmmm... WHA-!!" Mokuba sat up. He was sore from the awkward position he'd slept in and he'd only gotten half an hour sleep... "Damn... damn..." He knew that he'd never get through the day, so he crawled back in bed.

After a few minutes, there was a knock at the door. "Come in..." Mokuba said in a fake sick voice.

"Stop the act." It was not a harsh command, but it was a firm one. One Mokuba would never disobey.

"Nii-Sa-"

"I don't want to hear excusses... but why are you _really_ pretending to be sick?"

"I... I stayed up all night..."

"Why?" Kaiba's voice was quite, but it was not gentle or threatening.

"... I couldn't... I couldn't sleep..."

"Mokuba... well I don't want you going to school looking like that... but please don't do this again..." It was a gentle request, but Kaiba meant it... Mokuba decided that even if he didn't get any sheep at all in a night, he'd still force himself to go to school.

"Yes... Nii-Sama?"

"Yes?" Kaiba had gotten up to leave, but paused and turned around.

"I... I..."

"Yes? He started to walk closer to Mokuba's bed.

"I..." He started to cry again. 'I almost told him!!! I almost told him!!!!!' His mind screamed as he tried to make up an excuse, but the closeness of his brother's body was making thought impossible. 'I ALMOST TOLD HIM!!!!!!!!!!' Mokuba started to cry from the sheer hopelessness of it. "... nothing..." He looked away.

"... Mokuba..." Kaiba saw that it was hopeless and got up and left the sobbing kid alone in his room.

"I'm so bloody insane... I wonder if there's some medication for this?" He started to laugh bitterly. "Nope!" He lay down and fell back asleep.

Kaiba leaned against the door of his little brother's room. Something in the whole conversation made him shiver. What had his little brother been trying to say? It didn't matter now, because he had to get to work. But he decided to question him again when he got home...

_I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel  
Your Virgin Mary undone  
Im in love with my lust  
Burning angelwings to dust  
I wish I had your angel tonight_

Kaiba knocked on the door again that afternoon. "... mmmfff... come in..."

"Still asleep?"

"Yes... I don't sleep well in the day..." Something flashed through Kaiba's eyes but Mokuba was looking away and didn't see it.

"Mokuba..." Kaiba sat down on his little brother's bed and wrapped his arms around the kid in a hug. He shrunk away and started to shake. Kaiba drew him closer and whispered in his ear. "Is something wrong? Did you do something? Tell me... I won't be angry if you tell me now... but please don't lie..."

Mokuba would rather have been in a medieval torture chamber, being tortured than where he was now. "No... nothing..."

"Mokuba..." Kaiba's voice sounded sad. He pulled him even closer and Mokuba grew even tenser. "Is it me? Did I do something? Are you angry at me?"

"No..."

"Tell me... please... I won't be angry... I promise..."

Mokuba laughed a hysterical and bitter laugh and fell into his older brother, his strength failing. "... Don't make promises you can't keep!"

"I mean it." Kaiba's voice lost all emotion except a deadly seriousness.

"No..." Mokuba continued to laugh and sob at the same time. "You have no idea..."

"Tell me... It can't be worse than what you're going through now..." Kaiba stroked Mokuba's hair.

"Yes... If I tell you, you'll hate me... I can survive like this, but I'd DIE if you hated me!!!"

"You don't know that I'd hate you... besides, if I would hate you for whatever you're keeping secret from me, shouldn't I hate you for keeping it a secret?..." Kaiba's hands were still stroking the thick black hair.

Suddenly Mokuba pulled savagely away and got up off his bed. He stood facing away from his brother and shouted, "DAMNIT!!!!! WHY CAN"T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!?!?!?!?!"

Kaiba got up and wrapped his arms once again around his little brother. "Because I love you and I see that if you don't tell me, it'll tear you apart and drive you insane."

Mokuba whirled around and looked into his older brother's eyes for the first time since last night. Kaiba saw the maddened look in the grey-blue orbs. "Too late!" He said in a voice that would sound cheerful to anyone but Kaiba.

Kaiba sank to his knees, taking Mokuba with him. He gripped his shoulders and pleaded. "Mokuba! Please!! I can't live with you like this!!!" He was almost sobbing. "I love you more than anything in the whole world!!!! I can't stand this! I can't STAND that you won't talk to me!!!"

Mokuba held his older brother. He knew that his strength was exhausted and that he would soon give in. "...please... don't... don't talk like that..."

"Tell me..." Kaiba wiped his eyes. He also knew that he should confess his feelings, but he couldn't... he knew that if he did, Mokuba wouldn't trust him and he'd never know what was ailing him, but he decided that he would tell him as soon as Mokuba told him...

"...please... don't ask again..."

"No, I need to know... You're hurting me... you know..."

Mokuba lost it. He had known all along that he would, but he had tried to stall. He wanted a few more minutes before his brother, the only one he really cared about, hated him. "I.. I'm in..."

Kaiba drew him in close. "It's ok... I promise I won't hate you or think any less of you in any way..."

"I'm-... I'm in love with you!!" Mokuba wasn't sure where he found the strength to even speak, but he did, and as soon as the words were from his lips he regretted it. He covered his mouth and pulled away.

Kaiba felt as if he had been submerged in cold water, but the sensation passed and deep relief set in within a second. "Mokuba." He said in a deadly calm voice. "Mokuba, come here."

Mokuba was clearly terrified. "...No... no..."

Kaiba got up and walked over to him. He placed his hands on Mokuba's face and wiped away the tears. "Mokuba..." He said before kissing him.

_Greatest thrill  
Not to kill  
But to have the prize of the night  
Hypocrite  
Wannabe friend  
13th disciple who betrayed me for nothing!_

Mokuba's body was stiff in Kaiba's arms until the kiss. But when his older brother's lips found his, he couldn't help melting into it. He was sure, at first that it was a trick; that Kaiba was mocking him, but somehow, he knew that you don't kiss someone you're not serious about like that...

"Now... are you glad you told me?"

"...Yes..." Mokuba was completely Kaiba's. He knew that it wasn't just a lust affair; he knew that somehow, this was something deep, something in the soul. "But why didn't you tell me?"

"I know I should have, but I'm not as strong as you... I was near breaking... I guess I would have gone crazy eventually and probably forced myself on you..." Kaiba looked down in shame.

"If you tried... you'd soon learn that you didn't need force..." Mokuba lifted his chin and kissed him again.

"...still... I might have hurt you..."

"The only way you could ever hurt me, would be by not loving me."

"...Mokuba... you're only thirteen... you don't know me that well yet... you don't really know how fucked up I am..."

"You couldn't be any more than me."

"Mokuba... please... just-" He was cut off by another kiss. He decided that the best thing would be to let Mokuba experience these things as he matured. Though he still wanted the kid more than he thought the kid would be willing to give... He wanted all of him. Every little bit.

_Last dance, first kiss  
Your touch my bliss  
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts_

He decided to wait until he was fifteen before taking him to his bed over night. When his fifteenth birthday rolled around, Mokuba was ready and more than willing. All day, he had noticed a peculiar stiffness to his brother's movements, and it pleased him. At one point during the day, he had pulled him into an empty room and locked the door. He kissed him brutally and his hands slipped down into his cloths, underneath even his underwear. He had gasped and blushed furiously at the intrusion, as it was the most intimate his elder brother had ever performed. His other hand was pulling them closer together about the waists.

Mokuba pulled away rather reluctantly. "If you're not willing to take me here and now, I'd recommend that you stop this now." His hair swung around his waits alluringly as he turned, causing Kaiba to shiver with lust.

"Alright, then. Shall we get dressed and actually go to your party?" He had planed a birthday celebration for his younger brother at the ballroom at the most expensive hotel in town. He gave his younger brother total control over the guest list and he was actually looking forward to this party.

It was the most enjoyable celebration they both had attended for many years, but still, they were both eager to get home to what would be from now on, their bed. Mokuba would keep up the appearance of sleeping in his room to avoid a scandal.

They arrived home around midnight, Mokuba slightly tipsy from champagne. All the servants were gone and Kaiba immediately carried him up to his room. He nearly threw him on his bed in anticipation. He straddled him and slowly began to remove his clothing, while rocking back and forth. Mokuba moaned, but it was reduced to a whimper as his shirt was removed and Kaiba's lips found his chest. Though it was not a new experience, it was far more intimate this time. This time he made sure to leave a mark that would not leave for many days. While his mouth was busy, his hands found the zipper of Mokuba's pants. He raised his hips enough for them to be slid completely off.

The realization that he was completely exposed before his lover came quickly and without mercy. He began to whimper and plead to be taken quickly. Kaiba didn't obey. He went slowly and the texture of his sleeve on Mokuba's skin was maddening to the younger. It was only after torturing him into a state of sexual lunacy that he slid off his cloths, slowly, making sure Mokuba was watching.

He was. He felt a stab of both lust and of fear as his lover's body was revealed to him for the first time. He swallowed his fear as lust overcame him. He lay, susceptible, on the bed as Kaiba came toward him.

"Are you absolutely sure?" His voice was even and serious.

"Positive… now… please… hurry… I… I can't sand…" Kaiba planted his lips over his. He slid his body over the brother's. One of his hands stroked his long silky raven black hair. His other hand slid behind his body and he rested it against his lower back before sliding it down. His finger's began to work to prepare the child. He pulled his face away from his and saw in his eyes an expression of such rapture that he knew there was only one way to surpass it. This he did gladly.

He adjusted the angle, slightly, and glided into him. Mokuba moaned and pulled him closer. It was bliss for the both of them, and soon they were both exhausted.

Kaiba awoke early the next morning to see his little brother curled up against him. He stroked his hair, easily his best feature. It was silky beneath his fingers. He smiled. Mokuba would always seem to be an innocent child to him. That was the way that he wanted it. It was his childish and near girlish innocence that attracted him. He kissed him and awaited his awakening.

_I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel  
Your Virgin Mary undone  
Im in love with my lust  
Burning angelwings to dust  
I wish I had your angel tonight  
_

OK... the disclaimer... I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh (though if I did it'd have more of a plot in the later seasons... but hey... no one asked me...), I don't own the Yu-Gi-Oh characters, or the song "Wish I Had An Angel" by the AWASOME band Nightwish... so... yah... but I did write this fic.. bla bla bla... You get the picture...


End file.
